Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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