Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Randomize
