He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
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