They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
