im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
