You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
