just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
