her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
tell me about the eggs
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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