Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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