you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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