She just used a chaser for red wine.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
