So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Randomize
