Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
He passed out mid-signature
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Come share oat with me in your robe
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
