I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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