my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
