i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
