i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
