Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
