his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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