Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
