Girls should come with a carfax report
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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