when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
