It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I bet he comes in French.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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