today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
