are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
