Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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