Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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