She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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