Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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