Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
