Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
