If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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