I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
