hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
