Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
