i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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