I hate all girls vehemently.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
