mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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