did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
