Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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