I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
