Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
