Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
time to smoke my breakfast
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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