just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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