he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Randomize
