My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
