Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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