today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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