I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
