you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
These tits shall not be calmed
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
