When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
